Monday, January 09, 2006

critical friends

you can imagine that that phrase, 'critical friends' means more than your friends giving you a hard time about your fashion sense, music tastes, or body odour.

i'm thinking that its more about who you allow to speak critically into your life. someone who has the 'distance' from the everyday reality you experience, who can therefore help you to see the 'blindspots' in your life.

of course, this kind of relationship requires permission-giving: permission for another to look into your life; permission for that other to speak about what they see; self-permission to hear what is spoken; mutual permission for what is spoken to be accepted and acted upon, or rejected.

so different to much of what passes for contemporary friendship, where 'you don't rat on your mates', or 'being there for your friends' is more about unquestioningly affirming what your friends do whether its right or wrong.

but critical friendship requires a level of mutual maturity. it anticipates mutual growth.

today i experienced something of this, as an international faith-based charitable organisation invited me to sit in on an executive meeting and be a critical friend to them. it was a great meeting that displayed maturity and anticipated growth - neither of which have, or will come without some cost.

but then, 'fair-weather friends' never were worth much....

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